A Letter to Myself

I suppose this was always a long time coming, and even after all this time I still don’t have the words to express how I feel.

I know that during all those years the only thing you really wanted was for someone to tell you everything was going to be okay, that you would find peace, that you would finally reach that moment of triumph over your struggle. There simply aren’t words for what you went through. You know that there was nobody who could ever offer any hope of escape. It was me and you trying to hide our struggle and not lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel for what felt like an eternity.

That’s why I’m writing this today, I know its too late for you to ever read but I know that without writing it that there never will be any way to let you rest.

It wasn’t your fault, you didn’t deserve what happened to you, and most of all you can’t blame yourself for letting your struggle overwhelm you. I watched it all happen, I was there with you for every second and you didn’t even know. I was just a distant and dwindling hope that you held onto. I know you kept on going because the alternative was to throw away your life and pass the pain onto your loved ones. I know that you never truly believed you would be okay.

But in the end it did get better, you did overcome your struggle and finally reached the conclusion of your ordeal. There were happy times on the other side of it, perfect times even. For how impossible it seemed, there was a way out and eventually you found it. In the end everything was going to be okay. I hope you know that.

I want to thank you more than anything, as without what you did I would have never got to experience the happiness of these last few months and I will carry what you did for me in my heart for the rest of my life. I think that during the first few moments of that first day you handed the torch over to me knowing you could go no further. So thank you, I hope me telling you that things worked out can finally let you rest and get the peace you worked so hard for.

As time goes on we will grow apart, you will become a part of my past and I will become a part of your future but I think that we at least got to share the last few months together. So this is farewell, you can rest now knowing that I will be here to carry the torch into a happier time, never quite forgetting all you did to get me here.

You did it in the end.

Thank you.